Today I went in the school library to study because I’m a nerd. That place is always completely silent, on accounta it’s a library, so I checked my phone to make sure it was on silent mode and then rechecked it a couple more times because I have OCD. Anyhoo, then I had to fart, and due to my constant checking of my phone I had “silent mode” on my brain so, feeling confident that I, like my phone, was on silent mode, I did what any true American would do; I let it fly. Much to my chagrin, I immediately discovered that I was, in fact, NOT on silent mode. Not even close. In fact, not only was my volume at its max, but due to the wooden chair I was sitting on it quickly became apparent that I was also on vibrate mode. Instinctively I turned my head to give the person next to me a dirty look, but there was nobody there. There was nobody within 15 feet of me to blame it on, though sadly the blast radius was much larger than 15 feet. In short, there was no confusion as to who the perpetrator was. So I will now be known to anyone who witnessed the event as the guy who sits all by himself in the library and farts, then can’t stop laughing for the next 15 minutes. Let it be known that just because your phone is on silent mode, that doesn’t mean you are. It could have been worse though; at least my battery didn’t leak.
Today in my math class the teacher was trying to make an analogy between numbers and politics. He asked, talking about possible answers to the math problem we were working on, “So what do you do when the candidate you’ve decided on is actually not qualified for the office he’s running for?” I said “We elect Obama anyway.” A few people laughed heartily, and a few people grunted in disgust. Good times.